just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
