How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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