possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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