Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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