You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
