Small penises have feelings too.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
