so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
