i don't like sucking hair
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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