It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
