Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
