I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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