OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
