but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize