Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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