I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
