wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
