i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
