I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
