I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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