You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sobbing to NWA
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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