mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
