:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it glows. i had to have it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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