i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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