I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
