you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
