She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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