Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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