Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
