You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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