whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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