I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
