What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
