She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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