My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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