Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
