I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
