You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
