the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
