at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize