So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
