There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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