Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
