Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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