I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
