New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
