And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
