I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
