The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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