Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
