It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
