Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
