we have pet lesbian snakes
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
