I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize