She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
