We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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