have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
