Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Drunk is not a location!
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