Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
