I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
