I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
