Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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