P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
