youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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