He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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