I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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