Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hippo gnu deer
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
