If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
