Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have aggressive nipples.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
